Doctor Who – The Doctor’s Wife

The Doctor’s Wife

Series 06
Story 04
14 May 2011
The Doctor receives a summons from outside the universe via a glowing translucent cube. A desperate plea from help from a missing Time Lord draws the Doctor into a deadly trap that was tailor made for him. As the Doctor struggles to correct his dreadful mistakes, his companions are trapped inside of the TARDIS with an alien entity using time and space itself to kill them.

The real pull for this story is that it is written by Neil Gaiman, award-winning author of the Sandman series from the 1990’s, Stardust and Coraline. Gaiman has an avid cult of followers, so much so that this single story should bring in a massive spike in viewing figures. A devoted fan of the classic series, Gaiman has no doubt yearned to write for the new program since it came back in 2005. According to Neil himself, the script needed work… lots of work… and received so many rewrites that the author made a rather self-conscious point of the fact. In my opinion, another rewrite wasn’t exactly needed. They should have just chucked the whole thing in the bin.

Numerous hints and clues about this story have been floating about the internet for months now, including the most intriguing one that it would refer back to the 1969 adventure the War Games in which the Second Doctor battled with a brilliantly complex plot to build an army using the best soldiers from all of history. The reference could refer back to almost anything, but tying a new story to an old one is just too much for fans to cope with, so most of us hoped for the moon. In the end, the first guess was the right one. It was the psychic cube.

The Doctor (Patrick Troughton) in the War Games - 1969

In the War Games, the Doctor sends a distress signal to his people as things have gotten out of his control. The manner in which he sends the message is to collect his data in a cube and dematerialize it into the space/time vortex. In the opening of the Doctor’s Wife, a 21st Century version of this idea arrives, knocking out ‘a shave and a haircut’ on the TARDIS exterior as it floats in space. The Doctor is joyful to notice that it bears a tattoo mark used by a popular Time Lord named the Corsair (clever name) and he directs the TARDIS to his rescue even as the craft’s built-in warning cries go unheard.

The Doctor gets a summons

Arriving in a bubble universe, the Doctor encounters four strangers living on what appears to be a planet-sized scrapyard. Identifying themselves as Uncle, Auntie, an Ood named Nephew and Idris who seems mad, they are a quirky bunch that scream trouble, but again the Doctor is not deterred as he wishes to find his old friend in need. Idris assaults the Doctor with kisses, bites and nonsense dialog that obviously will refer to events later in the story (more timey wimey stuff as Moffat would say). The planetoid is actually sentient and prefers to be called ‘House.’ It maintains its four inhabitants and pays host to anyone that falls through what the Doctor calls ‘the plug hole of the universe.’

It is very clear that the situation is dangerous, but not really why. Auntie, Uncle, Nephew and Idris are just eccentric characters, yet the travelers can’t just leave without first finding the Corsair and anyone else in need of rescue. Amy catches on quickly that the Doctor is anxious as he needs to find the remaining Time Lords in order to be forgiven for his betrayal to his people in his previous incarnation. That’s almost a clever idea, but it gets undone later.

Amy and Rory are sent back to the TARDIS while the Doctor searches for the missing Time Lords only to find that the psychic calls he is hearing are from a cupboard full of Time Lord distress beacons. Realizing that he’s been had, he starts to retaliate but both Uncle and Auntie die straight away, their purposes fulfilled.

As the Doctor begins to realize what is happening, the TARDIS dematerializes, leaving him stranded with Idris who is actually the rapidly disintegrating embodiment of the TARDIS databank. They keep calling it the Matrix, but that should be on Gallifrey as it’s the repository of all Time Lord knowledge. In any case, the quirky Helena Bonham Carter-type person in a period dress is apparently the TARDIS made flesh… at last. It’s not necessarily a bad idea, but I am sure that Gaiman wrapped his story around this concept to make it easy to reference in the annals of fandom. You know the drill; the one with the giant maggots, the one with the Loch Ness Monster, the one with Paul Darrow in a wig, the one when the TARDIS became a lady. The BBC Wales program has already sexualized the relationship between the Doctor and his companions (even the classic ones), so why not sexualize the Doctor and the TARDIS as well?

If pressed, I am sure that I could describe how I would imagine the TARDIS to behave as a person, but I doubt that Idris would leap to mind either. She’s basically a flighty impulsive rambling buffoon. It’s like David Tennant in a dress. Every moment involving Idris is painful as she is there to stretch out the plot from her first appearance and we never even learn who Idris was in the first place. It’s a silly concept played out in a silly way. The Doctor gives her a name, ‘Sexy,’ and they flirt with each other when they are not bickering (get it? cuz she’s his WIFE).

Meanwhile, House has taken over the TARDIS and is taunting Rory and Amy who are trapped inside of it. It asks them to explain why it shouldn’t kill them (good question, no doubt Gaiman was thinking the same thing as he stared at his keyboard) and Rory comes up with an absurdly bad answer. Killing them outright would be no fun. Thus begins a run around in the interior of the TARDIS as our heroes attempt to escape a disembodied voice. The corridors of the TARDIS interior is something we haven’t seen in over twenty years and this episode more or less assures us that it won’t happen again. One of the many things that the classic program was criticized for was endless scenes running up and down corridors. Ironically, one of the most publicized episodes of the new series has the most pointless use of the idea I have ever seen. They are running from nothing to nowhere with no plan.

Seized by one of his brilliant ideas, the Doctor attempts to build a new TARDIS console from the wreckage of hundreds of crashed TARDISes on the deserted planet, it is established that Idris has only 18 minutes left to live. As they are outside of the universe, time no doubt flows differently inside the TARDIS, it’s a tension-less idea. She’ll no doubt lie as long as the script needs her to. I know it seems like I’m being cruel here, but her death is assured as she has to get back into the TARDIS, so I’m not really bothered to get emotionally attached to her. If the story introduced the notion that Idris could have been saved, maybe I would have cared. But the body served no purpose other than to house the TARDIS databank and push along the plot.

As the jury-rigged TARDIS chases the Doctor’s stolen TARDIS, Amy and Rory are assaulted with illusions that attempt to break their spirit. Why House terrorizes them we will never know because it is never established who/what House is and what drives it to be so violent and hurtful. In any case, these moments are well done and rather atmospheric. They provide some much-needed action and horror in an otherwise empty episode.

The Doctor and Idris trade banter and attempt to have a ‘long overdue’ talk about their relationship that is painful to get through. They espouse love for each other and debate who stole who which is bizarre enough but not half as much as the TARDIS claiming to be the one who wanted to travel, not the Doctor.

Reunited with the TARDIS via some last minute button-pushing in the 2005-2009 console room, the Doctor proceeds to have a screaming match with the disembodied voice monster. I admit that it was neat to see it again but as any old console room was possible, why not a classic series one? Obviously this was nod to fans, so why not go all the way? House taunts the Doctor by saying that it has killed many Time Lords to which the Doctor proudly proclaims (with menace) that he’s killed them all. This is quite odd as earlier in the same story he was seeking forgiveness for this but now it’s another notch on his belt next to the Borad and the Chief Caretaker.

Idris dies… slowly… and then exhales the golden mist that has become so associated with the program since the Christmas Invasion and saves the day. But just when it is clear that the Matrix has left Idris’ body, it talks to the Doctor some more to explain that it is sad to be alive, then dies. How/why? Who knows.

The Doctor’s Wife is a hastily constructed episode that has so many problems that it’s exhausting to number them. Just what was the point of Uncle, Auntie and Nephew and why were they even named that way? Who was Idris for that matter? Why does House need anyone ever? How did it survive before it started eating TARDISes and where did it come from? Who was the Corsair aside from a character with a cool name? Most importantly, why was this episode made? The story is a cobbled mess, the characters are pointless and the dialog embedded with lazy exposition.

For an adventure that, according to the author, was inspired by City of Death, The Doctor’s Wife was a major let down. I’m very curious to see the opposing view on this one as I cannot see what it has to offer in the way of positives, but for me this was just a waste. My least favorite story since the beginning of the Moffat/Smith run.

Next Time: The Rebel Flesh