Doctor Who Series 4 - Episode 1

In response to the decidedly darker tone of Series 3, producer Davies stated that this new series would be much lighter. I had no idea exactly what he meant, but apparently he had stayed up late at night watching old Laurel and Hardy videos before filming the Series 4 opener, ‘Partners in Crime.’

The last time we had seen Catherine Tate as the ‘runaway bride’ Donna Noble was in the 2007 Christmas Special… y’know the one that was really really bad with the wedding and the spider-lady that could not move. In the special she was portrayed as brassy and took no gaff from the usually charismatic Doctor. When it was announced that she would be returning to the program, I thought that this would be a welcome change to the ‘companion is in love with the Doctor‘ formula that has ruled this series since 2005. Then we got to this season and my hopes were squashed.

1. Partners in Crime

The series opens with middle-aged wastrel Donna Noble who lives with her mum and pines after a time traveling gay man who lives in a blue box. Donna fights with her mother (in strangely fading montages) who is somehow five years older than her and visits character actor Bernard Cribbins who watches the skies for walk on parts in BBC productions. Donna has been spending her time following unusual events such as UFO sightings and is now involved in the deep investigation of a suspicious diet pill Adipose.

Seriously… that’s the plot.

Apparently just anyone can be an investigator getting into scrapes and uncovering conspiracies as Donna shows remarkably the exact same hunches as the Doctor who is ‘hilariously’ within a stone’s throw to Donna throughout most of the story (though the two fail to notice each other). The lack of a payoff for any of these jokes is outdone by just how horrific Tate looks. She is dressed in a cheap real estate salesperson’s suit, wearing what looks like a cancer wig and more makeup than John Barrowman (and that’s a lot). I’m not so much against Tate here as I am against the show. After a trio of hot young ladies we get a frankly unattractive older woman with nowhere to go in her life. It’s an argument that would put the straightest man off of women entirely. The production team has made poor Tate look as big as a tank next to the whisp-like Tennant. I’m really not sure what the idea was.

If the forced chemistry didn’t kill this episode, the story itself certainly did. Adipose is ‘revealed’ to be an alien invasion plot of miniature fat creatures. Actually the evil Ms. Foster has apparently been waiting for just anyone to simply ask her what her plan is and when the fresh out of acting school reporter comes along she is certainly relived that she finally has someone to give her lines to. She is a wet nurse hired by the Adiposian family (or some such nonsense that Davies didn’t bother to waste any time working on) to foster (get it?) their children into adulthood. Apparently their planet is lost (the result of the Time War perhaps, something that ran throughout all of Series One and was never mentioned again… I stupidly thought it was a brilliant plot thread at the time but have since realized it is a plot contrivance). The diet pill attracts fat cells and somehow turns them into little CGI fellas that wave at the camera and cavort… and nothing else. Foster also has a sonic screwdriver pen that can apparently do all of the nonsensical things that the Doctor’s magic wand can.

This is never explained.

The Doctor and Donna run around a deserted office building chased by the evil Ms Foster and the only two men she could convince into following her (it’s almost heart-warming how this aspect of ‘three fellas are going to invade the Earth’ aspect of the Classic Doctor Who series has infected this new version) for what seems like forever. Then the ‘partners in crime’ find the massive one thing that will end the episode and mess around with it until everything ends… and Ms Foster falls to her death like Wyle E Coyote in a Warner Brothers cartoon.

The final moments of the episode consist of Donna showing the viewers that she has apparently been driving around with a trunk full of gear in case she ever ran into the Doctor in hopes that he could whisk her away from her very very sad life. There is a brief inexplicable appearance of Billie Piper who fades away after showing the viewers at home that she’s had some plastic surgery and the TARDIS flies by Cribbins. Donna and the Doctor lean out of the TARDIS‘ open door to wave to him and my hopes for this season not making me want to kick the television in are squelched right there.

For all of the new series flaws, the TARDIS flying in the sky with the Doctor and Donna waving goodbye ranks amongst the worst moments in TV history.

Davies wanted a lighter tone and he has certainly set it here. This fourth series will be full of slapstick, the Doctor and Donna being mistaken for a married couple and lots of mad running from one scene to the next. I’m hoping for the usual one to three stand out episodes, but other than that… I’m praying for Davies to leave the program… and I’m not a praying man.

Doctor Who premieres on the Sci-Fi Channel in the US this Friday, April 25th.